Thoughts about a possible rainy week.
Something triggered-or maybe glimmered- in me when I looked at my weather app and saw that all week the little images were of clouds and rain. I felt quietly thrilled. I felt so excited that I actually had to stop, take notice and wonder; why this elation?
(When I have a strong emotional response to something random these days I try to stop, pay attention and excavate the maze-like crevasses that riddle my mind to find out what is quietly, patiently sitting there waiting to be noticed. Only sometimes am I successful in finding any kind of treasure.)
Here is what I have discovered so far.
I am drawn to nothingness; to stillness.
I’m hoping this doesn’t sound morbid but I often wonder what death will be like -the ultimate Nothingness and Stillness.
Don’t get me wrong, I love life and I don’t want to die. Like most people, I live resisting and ignoring death; I imagine that I will miss life terribly once death beckons me to bravely let go. And yet I am attracted to this nothingness.
Maybe when I am drawn to nothingness and stillness, what I’m craving is space; the kind of space I had as a child when time passed more slowly creating opportunities for “useless” activities like cloud-watching and climbing trees.
Rainy days mean staying indoors, cancelled plans and this can surface empty spaces rather than the usual full spaces cram-packed with activity. And now I think of it, the term empty space is not redundant and is entirely valid and to be reclaimed in times when space is almost always full of activity. Rainy days can mean responsibilities are relaxed, leaving space for nothingness to make its gentle appearance- just like when I was a child; nothingness puts a finger to its lips, smiles and whispers “Shh, come with me”. And I follow.
I resonated with a meme I read recently that read “Another good day ruined by responsibility”. Post-childhood days seem to be “ruined by responsibility” frequently.
I’m not interested in making a list of tips – “How to create more empty space in your life in order to…” That seems to me to be burdening us with yet another responsibility – something more to do when we actually get to those empty spaces!
And so this is the alchemy of rainy days; we cannot control the weather. Weather just happens. I sometimes hear the comment, “We are experiencing some weather today.” We can try with some success to predict the weather, but we cannot control it. That means there is no responsibility on us. If weather “happens” leading to cancelled plans, we simply have to give in to the open space that it creates. We can feel guilt-free that we have not shunned our duties- I can cry out, “The weather did it!” pointing my finger to the sky. And then I skip merrily on my way to an empty space – to a day of nothingness.
Today I woke up and to my surprise the sun was out in full force. As I stepped outside I saw people smiling, walking hurriedly to a busy day full of plans. And something within me felt quietly disturbed. I move towards another day of responsibility, remembering that weather is indeed unpredictable. But there is always tomorrow, and with it comes the hope of rainy days ahead.
What is your response to rainy days? Does it make you quietly thrilled or quietly disappointed? What feelings do the thoughts of empty space and nothingness create in you?
Rev. Dr Karina Kreminski, Mission Catalyst – Formation and Fresh Expressions, Uniting Mission and Education. Karina also blogs and this article is reprinted with permission from This Wild and Precious Life.
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