Belonging and authenticity.
A woman I didn’t know got up on the platform and said “What do you see when you look at me?” I remember thinking what a bold question that was to ask an audience. She was being courageous and vulnerable at the same time and it drew me in. If I was courageous enough I would have said, “I see a middle-aged woman. But I also see something about your manner and style that makes me think you want to break out of the stereotype that comes with that label.” I don’t know if I would have been right. She was voicing her journey about her sense of becoming someone different recently. She explained that she was struggling to fit in and wasn’t sure where in her circles she belonged anymore. I could tell her struggle was genuine.
I think most of us can resonate with that-the feeling of not fitting in anymore when previously you felt as though you were a perfect fit in a particular group, city or family.
I had that feeling recently when I was with a group of people who normally I would have felt comfortable with. We had similar values, purpose and a sense of being together to accomplish a mission. I had not connected with that group for some time and when I did I felt empty. I felt as though we were speaking in different languages. What I found interesting is that I walked away from that space feeling a bit dejected and as I was walking through my neighbourhood I encountered various people who I know. I chatted with them and we shared stories. Slowly I began to feel something shift. I started feeling connected, understood, a sense of belonging and the sensation of dejection began to fade. I was grateful for those encounters.
The odd thing is that those people who I encountered in my neighbourhood are so very different to me. We have very different values, we come from different backgrounds and we have different belief systems. I could also say that “what makes us tick” is probably different. And yet I felt connected. I remember in a gathering recently we asked that question “When do you feel like you belong?” My answer was that I feel like I belong whenever I am most myself with a group of people. When I feel safe to be me and where I feel that there is no pretence, masks or other agendas in a gathering of people.
Maybe that’s why containers are less important to me these days. I read a quote the other day that said that perhaps we should not be asking people whether they are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Atheist and so on. Perhaps we should ask “What kind of Christian, Atheist, Buddhist..are you?” Are you a person that is moving towards love and care of others or are you moving away from that. We all know that a person who practices any particular religion or philosophy (even atheism or humanism) can be unkind and selfish or they can be merciful and generous.
So in that sense, we can find community and belonging in places that we might not expect. I might gathering with a group of Christians for instance and find that I feel total dissonance within that group. I might be sitting with atheists or Muslims and yet feel completely at home and comfortable. Maybe it depends on that question “What do you see when you look at me?” and “What do I see when I look at the other?”
We can find community- a sense of being able to be our true selves- in the strangest, oddest of places.
Rev. Dr Karina Kreminski, Mission Catalyst – Formation and Fresh Expressions, Uniting Mission and Education. Karina also blogs, this article is reprinted with permission from This Wild and Precious Life.
